GortFLIX - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

If you did not grow up playing with the action figures or watching the cartoon, there's really no reason for you to watch this. And even if you did, save yourself the couple of hours and just watch G.I. Joe: The Movie. Waaaaaay better. They really missed the mark of bringing my favorite childhood characters to life on the big screen. (2/18/2010)

Positives: I think the only decent characters were the Baroness and General Hawk. I'll throw in Snake Eyes as honorable mention, but only because he looked like him and obviously didn't say anything to mess up the character. Storm shadow could have gotten in there if he wore his traditional white ninja outfit where you could see his eyes. I kept thinking he should be quick-kick. Zartan could have gotten honorable mention if he was in more scenes. I liked where they were going with his character. Not even sure why Brendan Frasier was in this movie, but thank god he was only in like two scenes and had one line.

Negatives: Overall just a bad adaptation. I hate these pompous jerks that think they need to create a "new face" to the franchise. JJ was able to pull it off with Star Trek, but a lot of the original was still embedded in it, which is why it worked so well. What they did with Cobra Commander was deplorable. It would be like making Optimus Prime a bright Purple tractor trailer that had spinners and "Big Pimping" on the grill. How hard is it to throw a blue hand towel over someone's head and poke to holes in it for the eyes. And where's roadblock, beachhead, shipwreck, the rest of the dreadnox, tomax and xamot??? Huge oversights...Also, is it just me or did you find yourself more interested in the side stories and background info on the characters? That's sad when the side stories trump the main one.

Make no mistake, this movie is big and dumb. But at times I kind of liked it when I found myself slipping into 12 yr old mode. What they got right - cartoon translations of ridiculous and unbelieveable tech, like blue energy weapons, futuristic looking vehicles, and an underwater arctic base. After that, other than maybe the Destro part of the story, it was pretty bad. If you want some mindless popcorn-type stuff on a Sunday afternoon, then by all means, indulge. But if you were a fan of the cartoon, Button's review points out why you should probably just avoid it. (2/28/2010)

Positives: Explosions and action in 90% of the movie. A hot Baroness. Destro's backstory. Fairly cool looking effects. Zartan's setup for the inevitable sequel.

Negatives: You can see Snake Eyes' MOUTH thru his mask. AWFUL!! And plus, how goofy is the Storm Shadow vs Snake Eyes as kids thing? Duke is beyond dumb. The only Joe I think I kind of liked was Breaker. Scarlett was cardboard. Cobra Commander's identity, backstory, voice, costume all insanely bad. Wayans is annoying as expected.

Reviewer Ratings (out of 5)

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